Dear New Mom, You’re Doing it Right
Whatever cocktail of emotions you’re experiencing, I suspect I can relate. You’re loving every second of motherhood but it’s so much tougher than you anticipated.
Everyone warned you about the physical exhaustion. Much to your amazement, you’re getting by pretty well on caffeine and adrenaline. But nobody thought to tell you how mentally draining raising a baby can be.
For me it started the moment I saw a barely discernible pink line on a positive pregnancy test. Immediately, the weight of my responsibility took the form of thousands of questions.
Am I running too much? Is mozzarella a “soft cheese”? How much longer can I sleep on my stomach? Will my baby sense my stress and anxiety and grow up to be as tightly wound as I am?
I get that it may not seem like it when you’re drowning in spit up and tears (Yours? The baby’s? Some combination?). But today, I want to take a moment to convince you that you’re doing an amazing job.
I know what you’re thinking, how could I possibly know that?
Because you want the world for that baby
You have an all-consuming obsession with that new little person and you want nothing short of perfection for them. Perfect nutrition, perfect playtime, perfect nursery, perfect baby products and perfect development. Chances are, you have never cared so much about anything in your life.
Because you are full of self-doubt
The next step after striving towards perfections is ALWAYS FALLING SHORT. So, from time to time, you’re going to need a little reassurance.
Trust me when I tell you that it’s OK to breast-feed, formula-feed, pump, puree or anything else that helps keep your little one well-nourished. It’s OK to coddle that baby and save the tough love for later (or for someone else). It’s OK to lean on other people every single day for emotional and physical support. And it’s OK to put off your child’s first haircut because the thought of them looking even more grown up is breaking your over-sized mom-heart.
Because you are always one milestone past your comfort zone
Babies change so fast that the minute you figure them out they transform into a completely different kid. Just started purees? Time to introduce solids! Just nailed down a routine? Time to go from two naps to one! Just got comfortable in the crib? Time for a toddler bed!
It’s nearly impossible to feel like you have parenting under control. Not a day flies by that your baby won’t surprise you or teach you something new. The silver lining is that you will never get a chance to start parenting on autopilot.
Because you are painfully aware of your shortcomings
Welcome to the club! We’re all short on sleep, sanity, patience and energy.
It’s so easy to compare yourself to other moms and feel like you’re dropping the ball. Who isn’t occasionally out-leagued by that obnoxious mom on Instagram parading her kids through endless playgrounds, pools, vacations, libraries and ACTUAL PARADES? Somehow, she manages to capture glamorous photos everywhere she goes. Damned if those Stepford kids aren’t smiling gleefully in every last one.
Try not to compare your everyday life to the carefully-staged well-lit world of social media. I guarantee that beneath that annoyingly calm facade, she’s in the trenches with the best of us.
Because you know what’s best for your family
If you’re lucky, you have a village of loved ones to help you navigate the murky waters of motherhood. If you’re really lucky, some of those people are close enough to you to offer their advice and support.
But as helpful as your village can be, first and foremost you have to trust your own instincts. Trust that you know what’s right for your child and your family. And trust that whatever kind of parent you are, it’s the right one.
In Reality None of Us Know What We’re Doing
When it comes to parenting, I don’t claim to be an expert. We have one relatively low-maintenance 18-month-old and some days he is totally overwhelming. I will forever be in awe of anyone who makes parenting look easy.
I may not be an expert in parenting but I am an expert in self-doubt. I’m also an expert in Googling everything to see if I’m doing it right. And I’m the world’s leading expert in beating myself up over every single failure. Try to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and take comfort in knowing that you’re doing the best that you can.
This chapter of your life will be over in the blink of an eye. Every little thing may seem paramount today. But I promise skipping a bath here and there won’t change the course of your child’s future. And if my middle-aged son ends up living in my basement it probably won’t have anything to do with the time I accidentally ate blue cheese when I was pregnant.
Join the Conversation
Feel free to weigh in and join the discussion! Moms and dads, what has been the hardest part of parenting for you? How do you reassure yourself when you’re in over your head?
