Parenting

A Stay at Home Mom’s Guide to Getting Out the Door in 25 Simple Steps

Getting Out the Door in The Morning Mom's Morning Madness

This week, I’ve teamed up with Megan from Misadventures with Megan to take on one of the most relatable parenting struggles – chaotic mornings.

For many moms, a seamlessly choreographed morning requires the organizational skills of an event planner, the manipulation tactics of an FBI crisis negotiator and the foresight of a psychic. Since Megan and I have none of that, we figured we’d try to compensate with humor and self-deprecation.

We’ve each broken down the Herculean effort it takes us to get ourselves and our kids out the door in the morning into 25 steps (some forward, some backward). I’m very excited to share Megan’s take. And if you’re curious about my scrappy morning routine, check out my corresponding guest post on Misadventures with Megan.

I hope that together we can demonstrate that the struggle is real for working moms and stay-at-home moms alike. But most of all, I hope that we can demonstrate that the struggle is entertaining.

A Stay at Home Mom’s Guide to Getting Out the Door in 25 Simple Steps

Megan is a SAHM who blogs about her life and misadventures with kids. She’s passionate about getting kids outside, drinking excessive amounts of coffee, and seeing as much of the world as possible with her husband and two daughters. You can catch more of her humor and wit over at MisadventureswithMegan.com.

Step 1: Wake Up

6:00 a.m. The Alarm goes off. My brain is locked in war between hitting the snooze and getting up to workout like I’ve promised myself I would (for three days in a row).

6:09 a.m. Snooze goes off. Get up. Really. I’m feeling guilty enough to wake up, plus my husband is making that loud huffing noise that passive-aggressively indicates I need to shut.up.my.phone.

Step 2: Find Workout Gear

6:15 a.m. Get dressed for a workout. Where are my gym clothes? It takes 5 extra minutes to dig those out of the mounds of dirty laundry, but I’m ready.

Step 3: Coffee

6:20 a.m. Liquid gold magic.

Step 4: Discover Unwelcome Surprises

6:30 a.m. Head down to the basement, time to get my sweat on! Wait. What is that? Is that a dog turd? SERIOUSLY. I guess I’ll be cleaning that up first.

Step 5: Workout

6:45 a.m. I hear footsteps on the stairs. No. Nope. This is my time. Go ask your father. Oh, you want to work out with me? I mean, how can I say no? Geeze careful with that weight kid! Oh, you just want to build Duplos and hand them to me while I do squats? Sure, super helpful.

Step 6: Shower

7:15 a.m. Workout finished(ish), time to head upstairs for a shower.

Step 7: Forget Shower, Dress Naked Toddler

7:18 a.m. The 2-year-old is butt naked in the middle of the hallway. Ummm. Why? Where are your clothes? Well never mind, let’s get you dressed. Yes. You can wear your Christmas dress from last year that is obviously too small. I really don’t even care right now, dear toddler. Just put some clothes on your freaking body so I can shower.

Step 8: Shower, Really.

7:23 a.m. Time for a shower! Just let me threaten (remind) the kids to behave for 5 minutes so I can de-stink.

Mid-Shampoo and someone is wailing. I stick my head out to determine what kind of cry it is, but it’s hard to tell over the shower. Jump out completely covered in soap and run to investigate. It’s nothing. They are playing a game in which someone is crying, but it’s “just pretend mom, duh!”

Step 9: Erase all Signs of Sleep Deprivation

7:35 a.m. Do I have time to put on makeup today? I’m going to probably make eye contact with other humans at preschool drop-off so I’ll try to make it work. Is blending foundation while directing a 4-year-old to get dressed a marketable skill?

Note to self – not a good idea to blend eyeshadow while hollering at the preschooler – PUT ON YOUR SOCKS FOR THE LOVE of GODerrrrGODIVA! Note to self – watch language.

Step 10: Get Dressed

7:50 a.m. Makeup is done, time to get dressed. Hmmm…. Well this sort of fits and I’m half certain its clean. Time to evaluate the kids. The toddler is thankfully still clothed. The other one… Is also wearing her formal dress, with her T-Rex shirt on top. Cool. Wait. WHERE ARE YOUR FREAKING SOCKS?

Step 11: Do Laundry

7:54 a.m. Discover pee-soaked clothing behind the toddler’s bedroom door. Detour to laundry room and start a load.

Step 12: More Coffee

8:04 a.m. Brew another pot of coffee, we’re just getting started.

Step 13: Torture Kids with Basic Chores

8:05 a.m. Cajole the kids into unloading the dishwasher while they act like they have no idea how to possibly complete this task even though they do it every day

Step 14: Make Breakfast

8:07 a.m. Both kids want something different to eat. Death stare at them until they agree on something.

Step 15: Pack Lunch

8:14 a.m. Eat my own breakfast while packing lunch and trying not to spill my coffee. Ignore requests for alternate breakfasts.

Step 16: Bribe the Children

8:30 a.m. Neither child has finished their breakfast. How. WHY???

8:35 a.m. Promise Ipad time if they eat breakfast

8:37 a.m. Both kids have finished breakfast. Amazing. Yell at kids to clear their bowls.

Step 17: Accept blatant brown nosing

8:39 a.m. The oldest sees the glimmer of frustration in my eyes and possibility of Ipad time on horizon and takes the opportunity to butter me up. “Mommy, you’re beautiful” she exclaims.

I mean… I’ll take it. Kids earn Ipad time and extra kisses.

Step 18: Reheat coffee

8:45 a.m. Reheat coffee and dump in to go mug. Treat myself to extra creamer this morning.

Step 19: Get coats on

8:47 a.m. Pry Ipad out of kid clutches and tell them to put on shoes and coats.

8:50 a.m. Argue with oldest about wearing a coat to school. Yes. You must wear a coat, there’s snow on the ground.

JUST PUT ON THE COAT

Step 20: Put on shoes

8:53 a.m. What do you mean you can’t find your boot? You left it right here! I swear!

Locate boot in recesses of dog’s cage.

Step 21: Final bathroom run

8:56 a.m. Beg both kids to sit on the potty before we leave. Send both kids back to wash hands and flush! Discover entire roll of TP on the floor… unraveled.

Step 22: Gather belongings

8:59 a.m. Please put on your backpack, no I don’t really have a second to dwell on the coloring page you did two weeks ago, can we do this later please?

Step 23: Wrestle both kids into car sets

9:00 a.m. Geeze I’m sweating already. Why are these straps so freaking complicated!?!!?

Step 24: School Drop Off

9:10 a.m. Finally. Time to head home and finish that laundry.

Step 25: Drop off lunch we forgot

9:15 a.m. Realize we forgot the lunchbox. Turn around and drop it off.

Now for more coffee. Always more coffee.

What Does it Take to Get Your Family in Motion Every Morning?

I’d love to hear from some fellow parents! Leave a comment and fill us in on the cajoling, planning, racing and scrambling that works for your family.

And don’t forget to check out my guest post, A Working Mom’s Guide to Getting Out the Door in the Morning.

By the way, are you a blogger? Megan and I had so much fun documenting our daily struggle that we’ve created our own hashtag #MomsMorningMadness. All bloggers are invited to get in on the action and share how you get your entourage out the door every day. If you want to participate, let us know and we’ll share your post!

One hilarious stay at home mom's 25 step guide to getting her kids out the door every morning. The morning chaos spans from working out and breakfast to clothes, coffee, and car seats. #Parenting #Mom-life #MomsMorningMadness #SAHM

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